Dear Guild

Over the next week maybe, I may seem like a bit of a dick... this is because I've managed to alienate myself from pretty much everyone in my year... well there are some people who will still talk to me, because they either haven't found out, OR I can't talk to them because they're friends with those that I can't go near.... ever again it seems...
The story is follows, Friday I was feeling blue... no one cared, obviously. Then getting home and going to my room, no one noticed... obviously.... so yeah, I was feeling depressed and Lo' and behold:
"No Added Sweetener
I could've called this "FML" as it really suits it, but then it'd be too obvious a title. So no sugar coating today, or in the future (unless this goes down REALLY badly and I end up with less friends and more enemies, which seems to happen a lot).

Not much has happened with my life over the last however long, obviously... I acquired a PS2 slim for my room which was awesome so I've basically been playing on that a lot. There were tests and things and the results swung between wonderful and crap, as the norm. I also pre-ordered Pokemon SoulSilver, hoop hoop hooray!

Well, last weekend I went into Ipswich by the train and awaited Ben, to be honest I was half expecting for him to have forgotten and for me to be in Ipswich by myself fearing being mugged by everyone, which is why I texted him to make sure he was coming. We saw Astroboy which was actually a REALLY good film. At the end I had to ask Ben if I was the only teary eyed, I was not.

Afterwards we looked round town and I bought some comics, #1 and #2 of Ultimate Comics: Spider-man.

Then to the fun enjoyable part!

Okay, so recently I've been thinking. Some of you may know the Jimmy Carr joke of "I had a friend that always hung around a lot and nobody wanted him there. If you're thinking "I don't.", then it's you." well DING DING DING! That so applies here... Basically I've come to realise that those I always considered my friends secretly hate me.

Adam for example, whenever talking with Adam I get the idea he'd rather be doing something else far away from me with people more interesting.

Simon, I've considered Simon my BEST friend through like all of Year 11 and at least half of year 10. LOL was I wrong. I've known since about.... late Year 11 or earlier that he blocked me on MSN. I've obviously never said anything because I didn't want to cause a fuss, but y'know, it always gets a bit annoying standing there listening to Simon talk to Lauren, Luke or people about what they were talking about on MSN last night when I'm standing there thinking "I was on MSN last night, didn't see Simon...". Then there is also the feeling of being replaced... When going into Sixth form I've gotten the feeling that Simon's replaced me with Luke Mitchel.

There's also this whole texting thing, when once again, I stand in my various groups of friends listening about how they were talking ALL night long or something and then I look at my phone thinking "Most of you have my number... but my last text was about a month ago", but then most, or all, of the texts I get are from Chloé, and that's only because I text her every know and then and she is polite enough to reply and is so nice that she keeps it going because she knows it is mean to just end a conversation with someone, even if you don't want to talk to them.

I've always gotten the feeling of being everyone's 2nd or lower choice, I'm never on ANYONE'S #1 to-do list because they have to go put something in the bin for this person or some other small insignificant thing.... Pour example, talking to Simon, to suddenly find that he's been taken away into a different length conversation with Lauren Caufield.

I'll admit that recently it seems that I've made more friends, I talk to Rosie Barrow more, which is cool. I was also shocked today to find that on the way to the assembly expecting to be by myself, when walking past Nat Fairs she decided to actually go to the assembly with me, instead of waiting for someone else, like Simon or Luke. Then I guess I've also gotten closer with Lauren, maybe?

However, this is also very limited.

It's not just that one group either. The other person I considered my Best Friend, Tom Baines, has also replaced me. Now he spends most of his time with Rhys Miller whilst I try and talk to him but just get brushed out of the way.

I begin to realise how most of my "friendships" are nothing more than mere acquaintances, I'm sure a lot of people will view that statement as offensive, but if you really think about it... do you REALLY care about me? I'll answer it for the majority, No.

The Rose, Eliza and co. Group. I only talk to 3 of them, Eliza, Rose and Chloé. In my opinion the only reason Eliza talks to me half the time is so she doesn't look lonely and so she can look sociable. Then the whole Friday Period 6 thing, I just feel like a 5th wheel to it. That's the only time I ever talk to Rose in the entire week normally, but then I guess that is what comes from being afraid of going upstairs due to general fear of being judged and people talking badly about me behind my back, which I do notice when I'm up there, really makes me feel like I don't belong. Thanks for that school.

If anything, going into Sixth form I've made more Acquaintances than friendships, lessons like Biology, Chemistry and Maths where I'll pass the odd comment to those around me, I'm never PROPERLY involved in any of the conversations, no... I'm just sitting on the outside, still hearing it all, normally talking to myself.

Some people like Josh Otter will still talk to me, which is great, cause we've been friends since Primary School, but it's still limited, when in the library I always feel a bit nervous going up to talk to him because he's normally surrounded by other "cools" from upstairs.

Don't think you've gotten off lightly Max/Ben Group. From that group I've really got two maybe three friends. Max, Ben and James Webster... The others, I badly view myself as being able to do better (funny how that turned out), but the others I normally can't actually stand. Just being round them and listening to the conversations make me want to rip out some joints just to get the Human Body Painkiller high for the time being...

Things like MSN and Facebook I don't really see the point of me having seeing as no one ever talks to me, and those that I want to talk to/talk to me either don't come on or block me.

Then there are the people that see me sad and only ask, "Are you okay?" to give themselves that sort of Daily Achievement of "I've been a good person and gave concern to someone" when really you are only asking to make yourself feel like a better person. The ones that leave after I say in a monotone, emotionless voice "I'm fine..." normally don't care if I'm fine or not... then those that stick around and actually try and get an answer from me, and then when they do to find it's the same thing I've been sad about for the last 5 years (ish) they get bored and wish they hadn't asked.

That's what it boils down to, people either ask and don't care... or they ask, caring initially then find out and wish they didn't care about my life.

Basically I'm saying that overall I don't belong at all within the school community which really sucks. It just begins to make me feel depressed that I don't have any friends and I get to sit and hear about how EVERYONE is having fun BUT me. It then makes me think that if I died over the weekend, it makes me wonder how many people would notice enough to give a damn.

Oh yeah, also recently I watched the live video launch of the new Ok Go video for This Too Shall Pass, then I partook in the live Q&A with Damian Kulash (lead singer), in which he read out my display name AND half of my question missing out the middle due to a lot of people talking and spamming.

-FML"
Kevin has already read this, or given up at some point.... but yeah, due to this... I've managed to gain hatred from everyone, even those I've never talked to.... I'm currently trying to make things better by talking myself down more and more, saying I'm an arse etc... however I can forsee that for the next.... year and a quarter... I'm going to have ZERO FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!! so i may seem a bit bitter.... You can see more of the fun on some of my later blog posts.... like "Dear Universe"... and that's about it...
To be honest I thought the blog name "No added sweetener" was pretty witty... but that got overshadowed....

Wow, that some tough crap mate.

I won't go around saying shallow things like; things will get better and they don't know what they miss out on.

In stead let me tell you my story on friends, and hopefully that will calm you down.

It started when i was 12 and went to high school. I didn't know anyone there since all my friends from pre-school went to other schools. I was really lonely and had no friends at all for like 2 months. Then there was this 'camp' school organized.
People were allowed to sleep on a room with like 5-6 ppl, and they were allowed to chose with who they wanted to be on a room with. Since i had no friends, i had no one to go on a room with. So my school just dumped me with some random people, who would later turn out to become my friends for 2 years.

This group however consisted of only jackasses, and were considered the cool kids. And i was just dragged along everywhere and i was an ass to almost everyone, because i wanted to fit in so badly. During this time i met tarik as well, but we didn't become close friends until like 3 years later.

In the Netherlands after 2 years of high school they decide on what department you will be. Either VWO, Havo, Mavo or VMBO. I went to VWO and my '"friends"' went to havo or vmbo.

This meant i was alone once again, but it also meant i had a chance to start fresh.
So at the first day of my 3rd year i went and met some of my new classmates. I sat down next to one, not knowing that the decision to sit there would be a influence for the rest of the year. The person i sat down next to was apparently the guy everyone picks on.
Which automaticly meant i was a dork too. It was a hard year where i once again had to try to fit in so bad. At least i had 1 close friend that year.

Then came the 4th year, by this time i was 16. Our class got cut in half and my friend was in the other half. So yes, again alone. This time no fresh start tho, because i already had the reputation. People didn't hate me or anything, since i was always friendly, but they just werent friends with me.

I continued to just be myself ( i cant believe i said that, i HATE it when ppl say that! ) and eventually, as the people around me matured(which i think is the key here) i got accepted, and at the end of the year i was literally friends with everyone.

During this time i became really close with tarik, and a friend from pre-school. We had been playing maple for a while then and it felt really good to have 2 close friends, and a lot of average friends on school.

Then the 5th year came, and again i had to meet a lot of new people. This is where i met my real friends. By this time i was 17 (i don't exactly know how old you are but i'm guessing around this age). In my experience at age 17, people don't care about whether your on of the cool guys, or like "hot guys" they just need you to be nice to them.

i met some awesome guys then which are good friends of me now even after high school.
I have 3 insanly close friends Tarik, 'Jordy' and 'Emile'. We go on holidays together see each other at least 2-3 times a week, and we are going to live together this summer.

Then i have a group of good friends from high school, we hang out like once every 1 or 2 weeks.

Finally i have a group of 'average friends' Which i speak to on MSN.

My point being; People at the age of 1-16 are complete and utter assholes who don't care about anything except their own image. So im not going to lie to you and say people DO like you or DO care about you. But i AM saying that as you age you will definably meet awesome people who give you what you deserve.

Because even though we have never met real life, i know that you are a good friend. This arent shallow words, because at times like when my father was really sick/died or school sucked especially you always cheered me up. And during the harder periods of my life with sucky ass friends i DID meet some good friends, and that are the people of kamisama.

Thank you for that.

Dude, That´s rough. But hey, Everyone will experience them. Let me tell you some of mine:

Well, After elementary school we go to High School (at an age of 11/12 years). Our High schools are ordered in three kinds: VMBO, Havo and VWO. So me and 3 friends of mine all went together to Havo. I thought it would be a fun first year of High School. But it turned out to be a nightmare. In the middle of the school year, a friend and me began hanging around with a classmate, and that classmate was the one who introduced us to MapleStory.

So we three began playing. But the other 2 "friends" found Maple very ridiculous and only for "nerds". So us four had a huge fight. And we finally split up, which was a shame, cause I was friends with one since we were three years old. So me and the other friend who also played Maple spent the rest of the year together. The other two guys turned to be huge "show-offs", if you know what I mean.

But then, the end of the year. We both passed our years, but when the classes for year 2 were announced. We were both in diffrent classes. We promised each other still to hang out. But we didn't. My friend was in the same class as these show-offs. And he slowly turned into one of them. In the meantime, I was all alone in my class. Didn't know anyone. But then I thought: "No point for feeling sorry for myself, I'm gonna make some friends!" And slowly I made some friends, with whom I hung out. And I managed to spend the rest of the year with some friends.

But then again. Me and my friends all passed our 2nd year of High School. But then again, School had to screw me over. Once again, I was placed in diffrent kind of classes. And again I didn't know anybody. So.. I had to make friends all over again. But luckily there was a boy, who was in the same class when we were in first year. All his friends were in the same class, but he got transfered to our class, cause his grades sucked too much. And of course, He also didn't know anybody, except me. So he decided to sit next to me. And slowly we were beginning to be friends. And after we became friends, we made some more friends. And we spent the rest of the year happily. And we all passed our 3rd year.

Year 4: Once again, Yes indeed. I got seperated AGAIN from my friends (Are you freaking kidding me). And again I was in a class full with strangers. And again, didn't know anyone. And once again, I had to start all over. But this time, it was harder. Cause all these people were in "groups". So it was harder for me to approach. But luckily, one small group approached me. And so we began talking, and we became friends/aquintances (Spelled probably wrong). And now let's hope we will pass our year together.

What I'm trying to say is: Don't let it get to you. Always fight back, and try to make other friends. I mean if these "friends" of your don't see how nice you are, it's their problem, not yours. They will lose a good friend. And hey, We may not know each other that well, But I think you're a great friend/Guildee

Last cheesy sentence, you might find it interesting: Courage Is The Magic That Turns Dreams Into Reality

Chris wrote:Kevin has already read this, or given up at some point

Say whut?! O.o

I can't remember what I posted on your facebook.

I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with giving up

Friends are uber overrated anyway.

Voices in your head are so much more fun.

But really, I don't think I have any advice that would be worth listening to.

If you want, I could try and inject some of my dark humour into the situation?

Just ask and you shall receive!

<cliched cheesy garbage>

you'll always have us chris

</cliched cheesy garbage>


Seriously though if your friends are crappy to you dump em you dont need em. They are a hindrance on your life if they are bringing you down, seek out people that have a common interest with you. Find something you enjoy doing and join a local club or something. I have no idea how you act in school but if its anything like your "internet persona" then I cant understand why these people wont be friends with you but oh well, anyway.

The thing you gotta ask yourself is what do you want out of a friendship? Is it just for someone to fill a bit of time. Do you want some fun or what? Either way what you put in is what you get out. If you want friends who are arseholes then you're gonna have to be an arsehole just like if you want friends who are fun, entertaining and witty you cant be dull and boring thats a fact of life.

I started college this year and I knew nobody, 'cept for 1 guy in a class of like 300 people. To get friends I sat down beside people and started talking. It sucked balls and a lot of times my efforts ended in silence but fuck them then, if they dont wanna talk to me then they arent worth my effort. Cant remember where I was going with this something about break some social barriers talk to the people you've never talked to before. People arent just going to come up and talk to you and befriend for no reason, unfortunately all the hard work is up to us.


or some shit like that

tl;dr

Well that's not true.

More like tl;ra.

The thing is, the people in my year I've known of/known for nearing 6 years now, so I know what some people are like, and there are VERY good reasons why I don't talk to them... I've been told that it will take a while until any of them talk to me, well.... some of them are... KINDA talking to me, it's just the person I'd always considered my best friend for about... 3 years... who had basically replaced me because he barely talked to me any more and when he did sounded like he was getting annoyed (Simon) seems to either be REALLY hurt, or actually never liked me, because when I see him in school there's just a look... not of sadness, but kinda like hate.... so when I was talking to some of the friend group he's in, pretty much next to him, I could see a look that sort of said "What are you doing here?"

Then maybe you should turn that "What are you doing here?" look back on him.

BECOME THE ALPHA DAWG.

These people are your underlings, control them, mould them into what you want