Movie Review?

I don't know if movie reviews are meant to be posted here, but oh my god I need to tell you bout this movie.

So let's begin.

Title: "Human Centipede (First Sequence)" (Sounds horrible already doesn't it)

Genre: Horror

Plot: What. The. Fuck.

Right, movie opens with a guy sitting in a car at the side of the road beside some sort of forest or some shit, he's holding a picture of three dogs, standing in a line. Fair enough, he loves his dogs. Anyway.

A truck pulls up behind him, a man gets out and goes for a dump in the forest. The original guy gets out of the car with a rifle in hand and goes over to the trucker while he's taking a dump, and the original guy shoots the trucker. Woopdedoo, not so bad, just a murderer or some shit at this point.

So, change of scene. We're in a hotel, two american girls (Oh btw, the movies set in germany, we don't know this till this point) are on the phone, one of them, named Jenny or some shit, is on the phone to some unknown person, and is asking for directions to a club called "Bunker"(Don't worry, that has nothing to do with the story.) and the other girl, I don't really care what her name was, is on the phone to her friend Amy back in America (Amy has no relevance to the film whatsoever so forget about her).

So Bam, the girls are driving through a forest and they get lost(Cliché much?) and lo and behold, the car breaks down(Horror movie cliché overload!). Some creepy guy pulls up beside them and says he's going to fuck them or something. (he's speaking in german so the girls don't know this but whatever). So the girls start walking through the forest looking for some help. They come across a house and they see a gravestone that reads "Mein Lieber: 3-hund" ("My love, three dog" ya, it all gets worse) and then they go to the door and the original guy answers.

BAM, we're inside, the girls are asking the guy to ring the car hire place or a taxi or something, fuck I can't remember, its irrelevant anyway. The creepy guy, we'll call him Josef, asks the girls if they want a drink. "water" they chimed with their youthful spirits high! So Josef goes to the kitchen and pretends to make a phone call to the car hire place while we watch him slip something into the girls drinks.

He gives the drinks to the girls as they thank him for calling the thing. A little while after drinking the water, the girls start to feel drowzy and they question this. So Josef calmly answers "Why that's the rape drug of course" as if there should be no problem with that. So Josef's going to rape them, its a horror movie, no big deal eh....

So next scene, two girls and trucker dude from earlier are in hospital beds with good ol' Josef looking over them.
"Oh dear" Says Josef, (to trucker) "Im afraid you won't suit, you're not a match for these, you're much too big, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you, nothing personal" Hooray!

Next scene, some loud Japanese guy has taken trucker boys place. He's very loud and doesn't speak a word of English. We'll call him Sushi. So now Josef shows the three patients a nice slide show. It has some pretty illustrations. Such as, three people standing up. Three people kneeling down. Three people kneeling down, the anus of person 1 attached to the mouth of person 2, and the anus of person 2 attached to the mouth of person 3, and other wonderful pictures

So Josef begins to sedate all three patients, but other girl, possible called Lindsey or something, escapes!
She runs upstairs(They were downstairs...) but the front door is locked, so she goes into his bedroom for some reason! He follows her up and shouts stuff at her.

I'm getting bored of writing so I'll sum up the rest quickly.

She gets caught and because she escaped and was a bitch, she's chosen to be the middle.

SO! Surgery begins, skin around the ass and anus of person 1 and 2 is cut off so skin that has been shaped from the cheeks and lips of person 2 and 3 can be attached. The teeth of peoples 2 and 3 are taken out aswell.

Loud Japanese guy is at the front. The ligaments in the knees of all three people are cut too.

BAM, human centipede is born, its quite disgusting.

It's very disgusting.

Japanese guy eats his lunch.

Later, he poos.

Person 2 eats this poo. You can't see this poo being eaten due to the skin that is grafted from face to ass but the what can't be seen is filled in by your mind unfortunately.

The fact that person 3 eats poo made from poo is also filled in by your mind.

Anyway, this goes on for a while, with him doing lots of fun things, like beating them with sticks and so on.

The police come and ask him about missing persons and his cellar and a screaming woman on his lawn, but he gets them to go away and come back with a warrant. After they leave he goes downstairs to see his creation.

It's gone missing, so as he turns a corner, there it is with a scalpel in hand and stabs Josef in the leg and knee.

Now Josef has to walk like the human centipede. Karmas a bitch.

So the human centipede climbs the stairs, with great difficulty, with crazy surgeon mccripple close behind. They make it to the bedroom where Sushi has a shard of glass ready to fight Josef who has a scalpel.

Then Sushi says some stuff about god and slits his own throat.

The police arrive and Josef crawls to his swimming pool. He hides around a little corner. There are two policemen.

One goes downstairs, sees beds and blood and comes back up after he hears gunfire. He stumbles across the human centipede but just glances then runs to his partners aid.

So he goes into the room, and his partner is dead in the pool.

Josef has a gun, and he shoots the policeman, he shoots again.

The policeman then shoots Josef in the head and falls dead into the pool.

Camera goes back to human centipede.

Person 3 now dies of infection in her face.

Person 2 is left attached to two dead people.

Camera moves out of house and looks at roof.

Credits roll.

Viewer is left speechless and dumbfounded.



Score out of ten: WHATTHEFUCKJUSTHAPPENEDWHATDIDIJUSTWATCH?!?!?!........../10.

Overall not a bad movie, just fucked up.

Also, tl;dr.

o.o; I want to watch this now.

I've seen worse on encylopedia dramatica >_>

that movie sound hilerarious

I saw about this on Charlie Brooker's You Have Been Watching. It looked FUCKING MENTAL! I think this guy has a hard on for conga lines....

Oh there are parts that are pretty funny but overall it's just pretty disgusting.

It's not scary really, just nasty.

Worse then 2 girls and 1 cup?

Everyone I told in school asked me that aswell.

Well technically it is worse than 2 girls 1 cup, as there is technically shit eating in this too.

But it's not really shown as vividly as 2G1C...

It definitely makes up for that with other stuff.

Sounds like a really messed up movie.... I'll be sure to google this in like, 4 years or something.

Sheepkilla wrote:Sounds like a really messed up movie.... I'll be sure to google this in like, 4 years or something.

I think i'll go watch it now for the lulz it cant be that bad now that i know what to expect >_> luckily the bathroom is in running distance.

WindDrake wrote:

Sheepkilla wrote:Sounds like a really messed up movie.... I'll be sure to google this in like, 4 years or something.

I think i'll go watch it now for the lulz it cant be that bad now that i know what to expect >_> luckily the bathroom is in running distance.

Okay retract that, that movie is so damn boring that i just skipped ahead to the centipede bit, seriiously i watched like 30 minutes of it and was nearly falling asleep, literally (no really I mean literally).... it was pretty shitty, lol, but seriously it didnt even show anything it was just bandages around the mouth and stuff... thought there might be some kind of gruesome stuff for a bit of entertainment but oh well, bad and boring movie is bad and boring.

So you can actually watch it completely without a bet?

I mean I only watched 2G1C completely once I got 30 euro's offered for it =D

Yeah, when they showed clips of it on some TV show... I just thought the human Centipede was just some people tied together.... in some weird kinky sex thing, it still looked weird....